The Invisible Co-Founder: Reflections on Love, Startups, and Sacrifice

#60 What building a startup taught me about love, timing, and the invisible strength behind the scenes.

Jul 13, 2025

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The Unexpected Nugget

As a small entrepreneur myself, I’m always keen to learn from those who’ve done it before. Naturally, I was excited to hear the wisdom that these two mega entrepreneurs had to share.

For more than an hour, they talked about managing finances and running a business. Every time they dropped a nugget, I took a mental note.

But toward the end of the episode, Mr. Wonderful said something that stuck with me for the rest of the evening.

I paraphrase:

Host: How important is the choice of your spouse when it comes to business?
Kevin: It’s everything! The success of an entrepreneur also depends on the person they marry.

The Hidden Partner

In the interview, Mr. Wonderful emphasized that the romantic partner plays a crucial role in supporting the chaotic, high-risk, high-reward lifestyle of an entrepreneur.

Especially during the early days, founders often work ridiculous hours, investing their blood, sweat, and tears to make their dream a reality. Not every partner is thrilled to see their spouse spend more time at the office than at home. Not every partner is happy when quality time becomes a luxury, and evenings end with drained conversations.

But there’s something even less acknowledged—the emotional labor of the partner staying home.

Entrepreneurs carry endless problems and pressures that they often can't share. They wear a brave face for the team, staying upbeat and motivating, even when crumbling inside.

The spouse, too, carries burdens. They’re often left alone (sometimes with children), choosing not to add pressure by hiding their own struggles—because they know their partner already carries so much.

In many cases, the spouse gives up their own dreams to hold the fort. That sacrifice goes far beyond switching careers. It’s the invisible cost of enabling someone else’s success.

A Personal Reflection

At first, I was a bit skeptical. I thought: Well, it depends. Some people have the energy, the discipline, and the ability to keep their personal and work life in balance. I believed I was one of them.

But the more I thought about it, I realized: I was just incredibly lucky—with my wife, with the timing, with how it all turned out.

While building Deutsch Campus, I also tried to be present for my girlfriend (now wife), doing my best to keep the relationship strong—even when things got chaotic.

Long Distance Love, Long Hours of Hustle

When we first started dating, we were in a long-distance relationship. She stayed in the UK; I moved to Vietnam to chase something new.

We didn’t have a clear plan for the future, but we shared one promise: see each other as soon as we could.

Surprisingly, the long-distance setup made it easier to juggle both relationships—romantic and entrepreneurial.

Thanks to the time difference, I had structure:

5 AM and 10 PM were for Yan Yan—either when she was going to bed or just getting home from work.
7 AM to 10 PM was for Deutsch Campus—my first baby, built out of passion and broke-ness.

I was too broke to be distracted by anything else. My only hobby was running. But I stuck to our promise: one call a day. It meant waking up at 5 AM—but eventually, it became a habit.

What Changed When We Moved In Together

Now, would I have been able to do it all if we had been living together from the start?

Before, I would’ve said—Sureeee. I had the 5 AM discipline, didn’t I?

But now I see it differently.

Since Yan Yan moved to Vietnam, my morning routine has disappeared. I’ve gained 7 kg, I watch more anime than ever, I go out more often, and I cook less. In short: my capacity for discipline and focus shrank.

Would I want to change it?

Absolutely not.

I’m beyond blessed that my team and I built Deutsch Campus to a place where I don’t need to grind as hard anymore. Now, I get to create a home with my wife, pursue other hobbies, and simply live a little more.

The Truth I Now See

Would I have been able to build Deutsch Campus and a strong relationship with Yan Yan at the same time, if we had been living together back then?

Now, I highly doubt it.

As Mr. Wonderful said—you can be a great entrepreneur, but without the right support, it’s nearly impossible.

Eight years ago, I had 4.75% work experience and 2.73% dating experience (yes, Yan Yan was my first girlfriend). With those stats? It would’ve been a recipe for disaster.

Either Deutsch Campus, or the relationship—or worse, both—would have crumbled.

Right Person, Right Time

The only reason it worked for me?

We were in the right place, at the right time.

We gave each other space to grow individually. We worked on our values. We built our trust. And we finally moved in together when my startup had matured into a small business.

So if you’re chasing your dreams, choose your partner wisely. They can be your greatest ally—someone who lifts you, grounds you, and gives you strength.

Or, they can be the thing that breaks you.

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