Guarding Your Energy: The Limits of Helping Others

#40 Learning When to Step Back and Let True Change Begin from Within

Oct 20, 2024

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An Opportunity to Guide and Inspire

After a chat with one of my relatives, she asked me if I could look after her son and help him learn more about the world. She knew that I had lived in multiple countries, learned from people across cultures, and started my own business. This experience, she believed, would help me inspire him to become a global citizen.

Her son had been somewhat sheltered, focusing solely on academic studies through high school. Now that he had graduated, she wanted me to show him a broader perspective—to guide him on his journey of self-improvement.

“Sure, I can do that. Let’s support him on his journey,” I responded with a confident smile.

The Excitement of a New Beginning

For the first few months, we had regular chats. I encouraged him to step out of his comfort zone, try new activities, and embrace the process of learning. At first, everything seemed to be going well. He was enthusiastic and eager to put new ideas into practice.

But soon, his motivation began to wane. Although he seemed excited during our sessions, his energy faded when it came time to take consistent action. I noticed that despite his initial willingness, he struggled to stay disciplined.

The Reality of Motivation vs. Process

It became clear: he was more in love with the idea of success than with the process itself. Many of us have this mindset at some point—focusing only on the result, not realizing that the journey is what shapes us. Success looks glamorous from the outside, but achieving it often involves persistence, setbacks, and learning through frustration.

I understood this all too well. When I started out, I wanted to skip all the steps and get to the finish line as quickly as possible. But I had to learn the hard way that there are no shortcuts. The value of success lies in the effort and growth it requires.

The Challenge of Accountability

For my relative’s son, it became so difficult that he started breaking promises to himself. He struggled to keep himself accountable. I felt drained because I genuinely wanted to help him, to share my experiences and motivate him to keep going.

Eventually, I had to face a difficult truth: no matter how much I wanted to support him, I couldn’t make him change. Last night, I had a heartfelt conversation with him, explaining that we had to pause our sessions. I told him we’d only continue if he was genuinely ready to take action and show his commitment through his own efforts.

Learning to Protect Your Energy

This experience was tough for me, as I have a strong desire to help others. But a close friend’s advice kept echoing in my mind:

‘Thomas, you are not a buffet. Be careful who you spend your energy with.’

I realized I had to set boundaries and protect my energy to continue helping others who were truly ready for change. It’s essential to remember that just as we strive to inspire others, we must also look after our own well-being.

An Inspirational Takeaway: Change Begins Within

One powerful lesson stands out from this journey:

Regardless of how positive and well-meaning you are, you can’t help someone who isn’t willing to help themselves. True change comes from within. But while you cannot transform others, you must guard your energy, because negativity can pull you down—even if you don’t want it to.

By valuing our time and energy, we create space to impact those who are ready to grow, while honoring our own journey of growth.

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