Judging Actions vs. Intentions: A Journey Toward Understanding
#45 How Shifting Our Focus Can Build Empathy and Connection
Hey! I am so grateful to have you back at my blog. Your subscription means the world to me. ❤️ In order to get to know you better, here is a question for you: “When was the last time you judged someone?” 😊
Now jumping into today’s blog:
A couple of days ago, I listened to a short interview with Jay Shetty, where he said:
“We often judge others by their actions, while we judge ourselves by our intentions.”
This line hit me hard.
So often, when someone does something that doesn’t make sense to me, small judgments pop into my mind, like:
Was that really necessary?
Did their action have any value?
If I’m feeling more open-minded, I might ask myself:
What was their intention?
Why did they do that?
What circumstances led to this behavior?
But when I’m close-minded, my thoughts shift:
Should I really spend so much time with this person?
Should I waste my energy listening to them?
Why am I even in this situation?
No matter how much I strive to be empathetic, I judge—sometimes without even realizing it.
On the flip side, when others question my actions, my immediate response often depends on how hurt my ego feels. If I’m feeling calm and self-aware, I might respond with:
Let me explain my needs to you.
My intention was...
But if my ego is bruised, my reaction becomes defensive:
How can you not understand my point?
Isn’t it obvious?
As I write this blog, I’m noticing a pattern in how I judge others and respond to being judged. Let’s break it down.
When I Judge Others Based on Their Actions
When I’m close-minded, my focus is entirely on myself. I’m caught up in whether their ideas or actions align with mine. My internal monologue might sound something like:
“This is not how it should be done! What were you thinking?”
However, when I’m open-minded, my focus shifts to the other person. I genuinely want to understand them:
“That’s different. What was the intention behind it?”
It’s fascinating how the shift from close-mindedness to open-mindedness moves my attention from judging to connecting.
When I’m Judged for My Actions
Similarly, my reaction to being judged depends on my mindset. When I’m close-minded and my ego takes over, I’m focused inward. My thoughts center around justifying myself:
“How can you not understand my point?”
But when I truly want to foster understanding, my approach is different. I’m more willing to explain my perspective and needs:
“Let me explain my needs to you.”
This openness creates a foundation for mutual trust and understanding.
#mydailylearning
The common thread here is where my focus lies. When I’m close-minded, it’s all about me—my thoughts, my feelings, my ego. But when I’m open-minded, the focus shifts to the other person. Instead of elevating myself above them, I invest energy in trying to connect and understand.
This insight is both humbling and empowering. It reminds me that I always have a choice: to close myself off and judge or to open myself up and connect.
Next time I find myself judging or being judged, I’ll try to pause and ask:
Am I being open-minded or close-minded?
Is my focus on understanding or justifying?
The answer will guide me toward greater empathy and connection.
Thanks for reading to the end and I wish you an awesome day full of kindness and positivity. See you next Sunday morning for a new blog of #sonofavietkieu. 🥰
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