Let Them, Let Me

#54 How I Stopped Downplaying Myself and Started Honoring My Truth

Apr 27, 2025

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Letting It Go vs. Letting Them

Last week, I listened to a podcast by Jay Shetty. In this interview, the guest and Jay talked about the concept of “Let them, let me.”

Here the episode:

When I was younger and faced what felt like unfair treatment, people often told me, “Let it go.” I was taught not to take things personally—to stay calm and composed no matter what.

So whenever a kid shouted slurs at me for being Vietnamese-German, I told myself:
Let it go. It’s not a big deal anyway.

I wore my ability to be unbothered like a badge of honor. I told myself I was mature, forgiving, and strong. It felt like the sustainable choice. I was in full control—just tuck the hurt away, deep in the back of my mind or heart.

But much later, I realized the cost of this habit.
The more I “let it go,” the less self-confident I became.
The more I “stored” those moments, the more fragile I felt.
The more I stayed silent, the more I questioned myself.

Choosing Myself

It was only after listening to this podcast that I found clarity. The speaker explained: It’s not “Let it go,” it’s “Let them.”

At first, it sounded the same. But then she broke it down:
“Let them” means accepting someone else’s behavior without internalizing it—without downplaying your own values in the process.

When we say “Let it go,” it puts the weight on us to tolerate or adjust. But saying “Let them…” draws a clear line between what they do and what we accept.

And then comes the powerful follow-up: “Let me…”

Let me respond. Let me stay aligned with what I believe. Let me choose what feels right.

Maybe you ignore them. Maybe you speak up. Either way, you’re acting out of self-respect—not fear or people-pleasing.

A Personal Reset

As I sat with this concept, I thought back to my life.

In Germany, as a teenager, my life was dominated by “Let it go.” I constantly tried to meet others’ expectations, which kept me from forming deep connections.

When I moved to Vietnam, I got a reset. Even though I hadn’t heard this concept yet, I started respecting my own boundaries. I built healthier relationships simply by being honest with myself.

Let Them Show You Who They Are

The guest ended with something that stayed with me:

After you say “Let me,” you watch how others respond.
You speak your truth—now let them show you who they are.

Did they listen? Did anything change?

If not, congratulations—you now see their true colors.
And you can respond with another “Let me…”

This framework gave me language for things I had felt for years. Now I can be more honest with myself—and with others. It’s a way to navigate relationships of all kinds, with clarity and courage.

I’m excited to see where this leads.

#mydailylearning

I used to think “letting it go” made me strong—but it often meant silencing my own values. Now I’ve learned to say “Let them” to accept others’ actions without losing myself, and “Let me” to respond with honesty and self-respect. It’s not about control—it’s about clarity, courage, and choosing myself.

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